Moments of commitment

Weird things have been happening recently.   I signed the lease.  I don't plan to see it through but this will be the first apartment EVER that I've stayed in for more than a year.  Is that true? I think that's true.  woah.  Totally growing up.  one 10 year period at a time. 
I also have a lot of relationships in weird places right now. good places, unfamiliar totally normal places that I forgot about.
Work is great. I'm in an upswing with all my admins and everyone is smart and friendly and competent.. it goes in phases of great/easy and awful/miserable and this is definitely the phase people dream of when they think about working.  Also, my company went public and if we don't go bust I will totally get rich off my stock options.  thank you work.   (if you don't know me:  "rich" means I'll "have less student loan debt")
I actually had made a list of goals on new years and recently found it.  unknowingly, I had accomplished two items on the list.  I also must have remembered some others because i'm half way there.
I think I have decided where i'm moving at the end of this run. 


*at a coffee shop and every table around me is talking about people they know and their facebook posts/pictures/relationships.  

Remember that intern that sang about the sun

It happened. The lease renewal came today.  I thought I had another month.  It's too soon but I need to go west.  I need sun.  Please come back sun.  We did see 50 degrees this week though. it was pretty spectacular.  It was of course grey and followed by 10 degrees and 19 inches of snow the next day but it's almost 50 again today.. two days after the storm.  I feel as bipolar as this weather. 

thank you, fireman

Oh shit.  the scariest thing just happened to me. I was walking home from the bar.. Its not a far walk but it was a really nice day so I wore shoes instead of my boots. I was walking home and a silver sedan with a back door rolled by me and hollered at me. nbd.  but then it hualted quickly and turned down the street and came then came back up a block away, it circled back in front of me and I walked slower to not cross as they passed.  a fire truck was a few blocks off.  they came back two street up as I hit ice covered over by snow and bit it.   they quickly turned, drove half the distance between us and backed into an alley way.  I crossed the st to the fire truck and knocked on the doors to wake up the slumbering men inside.  the driver came out and I explained the story.  I lived a block down, I was getting circled.  he was nice and concerned to a modest extent until they pulled out of the alley and I pointed out the car.  He seemed to believe me more and immediately take more concern, understandably so... they circled twice more in our conversation and I made to be sure to tell him what the other side of the car looked like.  the second time,  he made a point to point them out.  Then, he talked about calling 911 loudly.  After that he hung out with me a while longer.   I felt like an emergency call wasn't necessary but hanging out by sirens for a while was.  Eventually they stopped circling for a long enough, that I felt ok making it home with just his promise to watch me walk.  I'm home. life is ok.  the moral of the story is men in trucks with sirens are your friend. and wear boots.   

Knock Knock, Shut Up, Oh

So my upstairs neighbors have been playing music since they moved in several months ago.   It's been here and there and i was empathetic to musicians wants to make music.  If it was really bothering me, i'd just go down the street to the coffee house or something.  I guess I didn't say anything for long enough that it seemed like their second story apartment was a good venue because band practice started happening alllll the time.  I was getting more and more frustrated and yesterday it was loud and during the day and I had calls to make so I finally went upstairs and told them it needed to stop. 

What do you know, three hours later i'm going to a bar to see my friend John play and my upstairs neighbors are there and in one of the bands playing. Why did I pick that day.   so awkward.

Today, by the way, the house has been SILENT.   It's amazing.

Moving

My lease is coming up soon - I don't know which month exactly but soon.    I don't know what to do.  I can't decide what to do.  I've never had so much freedom.  I want to go everywhere!  Some days being near family seems important; others, a plane ride will suffice.  Some days I want to live near friends but then I think about friends moving and me wondering how I got somewhere I didn't want to be.  Some days, I want a unique landscape.  Sometimes just a movie theatre and ikea.   Lately, I really just want sunshine and a pool.  Five months of winter and grey is so depressing.  I always planned as an adult to just find a job that I really liked and move to where it was... I never anticipated finding a job I really liked and being able to move anywhere that I wanted.   How do I know where the right place to go is?  How do I decided this!?   THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

Ice Heart

So much snow and ice here.  I was walking the other day and did that thing where I tensed all of my muscles to try and not fall.   In the moment, I didn't think about anything other than staying upright.  But later when I was not "being careful" and just randomly slipped and half-fell, I realized how walking so tensely was more painful/uncomfortable than the half-fall out of nowhere.  Which got me thinking about how drunk drivers don't get as injured as non-drunk drivers in car accidents.  Which got me wondering if there's a psychological correlation as well.  Does bracing ourselves for pain in-and-of-itself make everything hurt more?  Is attempting to protect yourself the difference between becoming jaded and being happy?    

Waste

Sometimes I like to leave the lights and tv on when I go out.  Just to come home to signs of life.