what a day

i have so many things to say and no one to say them to.  i need a roommate and after-work cocktails.

Blind dating as set up by boys.

My coworkers are back to trying to set me up on blind dates.  There was this one incident that didn't happen - but almost did - with a coworker trying to set me up with a boy who looked 15.  Luckily i asked to see the pic first - unfortunately there was some coworker offense taken because of some childhood cancer causing puffy cheeks.  Everyone's had time to repair and now my other coworker wants me to go on a blind date with his friend.  His friend is a gospel rapper.  so.  there's that.  I feel like my coworkers simultaneously like and hate me.

Pre-Kiss Face

Why do boys always make that stupid face before they try and kiss you for the first time?  it's weird.

Neighborhood Shame

Since spring my mom's been jealous of the neighbor's lawn which was dandelion free.  Our lawn, on the other hand, was riddled with them.  For weeks my mom talked about how she wanted to spray the lawn to kill the dandelions so she finally told me about a month ago that she had bought spray. That weekend she just kept saying "I need to spray the lawn but I'm so tired".  So in an attempt to be helpful, I took the bottle and sprayed for her.   About two weeks later my dad asked me if I knew what had happened to the lawn.  I didn't know what he was talking about.  He took me out front and there it was.  A tie-dyed lawn. Green and Brown.  Turns out that I, like my mom, didn't read the bottle she purchased.  The bottle that said "weed and grass killer."  oops! 

Favor me this, favor me that.

Me:  Mom, what's the most fun part about living with your kid again?
Mom: Being able to do stuff for you.
Me: Seriously?!
Mom: Yeah
Me: That's so good!!  Cause the most fun part for me...other than using your makeup, is having you around to help me do stuff. Can you believe it!?  
Mom:  Oh, ha ha ha ha. That's so funny!
Me:  I know.  This is perfect!  ...Also, I'm supposed to make some treats for work tomorrow.. but I need to run tonight cause I slept in this morning... do you think you could help me?

my mom is such a mom! so nice.

A Mother's Request

My mom stopped me the other day.  She needed to talk.  She seemed upset.

M:  "Honey.  I love you.  And I know you're going to hate me for asking this....but I've kept it in for so long I just can't wait any longer"
Me: "Ok..."
M: "You're going to hate me"
Me: "Just say it, mom"
M: "Can you please make your bed in the morning?"
Me: laughter
M: "Your door was open today and it was just so messy seeming with an unmade bed"
Me: "Can I just keep my door closed?"
M:  "You should always make your bed. It makes you feel better when you enter the room"
Me: "Well when my bed is unmade it makes me feel better.  Like my bed is inviting me into it."
M: "*pplleeaassee. I think it's so much better made"
Me:  "Well how about I'll make my bed every morning  for you and before I come home at night you unmake it for me?"
M:  "Ok!"

TLW

Oh my boss's boss. You like basketball?  Wow, we have so much in common. I love basketball.  Oh you like history?  I find it just thrilling, don't you? 


* i don't actually like basketball or history.  but. i do like business men.